Standing in the center of my room, I paced around Jessica, who is naked from head to toe. She turns her head to follow me and I lean in and whisper, “Eyes. Fucking. Forward.” We had been getting to know one another for the last few months through text. Over and over again she complained to me, “Guys don’t care about my mind. Some of them pretend to at first, but eventually all the care about is seeing me naked, or talking about what they want to do to me. I feel like I’m alone. It’s really frustrating. I always have to settle.”
It was confusing for her. A month into us talking she finally asked, “Don’t you want to see pics of me?”
“Why?” I responded. “I know what you look like.”
“No, I mean… like… sexy pics.”
I answered with, “Not really,” and enjoyed how uneasy it made her. I could have been one more person Jessica settled for, one more guy smart enough to act like I cared about what was between her ears. She wouldn’t have stopped me. If I wanted I could have grabbed by her fucking hair and flung her onto the bed. I could have slapped her across her face and grunted, “Shut the fuck up. You’re mine now, bitch.” I could have choked her. I could have forced my cock into any hole I wanted. But then what? I’d have one more notch on my belt and she’d have one more notch taken from her soul.
“You really scare me,” she said a few days before we met.
“I know I do,” I answered
“You’re already inside my head. I know I said this is what I wanted, but now I think I could want it too much.”
I took Jessica’s trembling hand in mine and guided her to the bed, laying her down on her back. “Keep your hands by your side. You’re not allowed to touch me. If you touch me even once without my permission, all this ends. If you think I’m kidding, test me.”
I laid down beside her and told Jessica to close her eyes. At first I brushed the backs of my fingers along her face. “Do you feel how softly I’m touching you right now? Look at your perfect naked body in my bed. I could take what I want from it. You know I could. As much as we’ve talked about it, I know exactly what you like. I could take anything and there’s nothing you could do to stop me. You need to know, as much as I want that there’s something I want more. And before I have it, I can’t fuck you, I can’t hurt you, I can’t rape you, I can’t make love to you… not yet.”
My hand moved to her neck, skimming up and down from her jaw to her collarbone. I traced the lines and contours of her throat, studying every inch. “It would be so fucking easy for me to wrap my hand around your neck. We’ve talked about it so much. I’ve made you cum so many times to thoughts of me cutting off all the air to your lungs; kissing you as you blacked out. But I can’t do it. Not right now. You better be hearing me. You better be letting every silky smooth word that comes out of my mouth seep into your gray matter, and filter through the rest of your brain.”
My fingers moved along her shoulder and then doubled back, crisscrossing her throat, to her other shoulder. Back and forth, over and over again, gliding along Jessica’s collarbone I learned the things I couldn’t learn over the phone. The birthmark on her neck was slightly raised off her skin. When she was nervous she had a habit of holding her breath. In between long pauses of me talking, she opened her mouth as if to try to coax me to speak. I wondered if this happened over text, when she was sitting alone in her room, staring at her phone, waiting for the moment “…” turned into words. Had I conditioned her to be like this? What else could I condition her to be?
“I don’t know how long this will take. I won’t be able to go any further until I could recreate you from memory, remold an exact replica of you out of clay.”
My fingers moved down to Jessica’s breasts, circling around and around her nipples. I watched as they stretched up to meet my touch, the skin going from soft to rigid. Colonies of goosebumps came and went in waves. Her body shimmied from the chills running along her spine. “Can you feel your body reacting to me? Can you feel how powerless you’re becoming? Soon you’ll know what it is like to lose control. Not just of what happens here, but of everything. The way my voice is getting inside of you, I’m claiming ownership of your conscious and your subconscious. I’ll be able to make your heart stop beating, as easily as I’ll be able to make you drop to your knees.”
The backs of my fingers were now tracing the curves along Jessica’s torso, from her hips to her ribs, sometimes taking a route that traveled around and around her bellybutton. When my hand moved south, Jessica tried to raise up off the bed, encouraging me to keep going. But every time I got to that crossroad, an invisible barrier between her stomach and her pussy stopped my hand in its tracks.
“I want you to listen to me so carefully from here on out. I want you to focus on nothing but my words. Nothing else matters. Feel the person you were slip away. Shed all your insecurities and preconceived notions of what this was going to be, what it should be, and what it could be. From here on out the only thing that matters is what is.”
My fingers reexamined every inch of her, back up along her breasts to her neck, to her face and hair, and then back down. I took a different path every time, always ending up at the same place, always bouncing off that invisible barrier.
“The only way I’ll want you is if you let go. If you really let go. It’s time for you to get out of your own way. Focus on my words, because it’s my words that are flooding into you right now. It’s my words that are pushing your hips up and down off the bed. Did you even realize this was happening? I’m not touching your clit. But my words are. Can you feel them inside of you?”
I grabbed Jessica’s breast and then pressed it up into her. This practically made her levitate off the bed. Then I pinched her nipple between my thumb and index finger, tweaking back and forth. She tried to push up higher, arching her back. It was if all she wanted was for me to be inside her. The only problem being I was on the ceiling and she was on the floor. Finally, letting go, my hand moved up to her neck and Jessica eased her body back down.
“Look at you. Your whole body’s trembling like you’re submerged in ice. I want you to feel my words inside of you. I want you to feel how they’ve turned your brain into mush. You can’t think of anything at all right now. Even if you tried, you couldn’t stop and think about how your car needs an oil change, or how you have to go to the bank later today. All of that’s gone. All that’s left are my words. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. You’re so fucking tired of men just wanting your mouth, or your, ass or your pussy, ignoring the most erogenous part of your body. Well today’s the day all that changes. I’m not going to fuck you. I won’t even touch your pussy. Today’s going to be different. Who you were before will not be who you are when you leave.”
Jessica’s hips rotated in circles as if she were grinding against an invisible person. I spoke in waves. My words going from fast to slow, slow to fast, controlled how her hips moved. It felt like there were millions of microscopic strings wrapped around my words, attached to each individual muscle fiber inside her. Jessica had no idea what I was doing. She was tired of men wanting to control her body, and here I was with complete control. Except, she wasn’t tied up. I didn’t need to hold her down. She didn’t need to ask me permission to cum. All protocols were thrown out. Who needs protocols when I was imprinting my wants and expectations into her mind, like the finger of God imprinting His commandments into stone tablets atop Mount Sinai.
“Does it feel like someone’s on top of you right now? Does it feel like someone’s inside of you? That’s it push up into him. Those are my words inside your pussy, inside your mind. Feel yourself getting wetter and wetter. Fell your stomach tensing up. My words are controlling you. Right now, you’re powerless. All you want is to listen to me, obey me, and submit to me. That’s it. Let go. Letting go feels so good, doesn’t it? Giving yourself to me feels so fucking good.”
Jessica bit into her bottom lip and let out a long restrained moan, as if she was trying to fight back against my power, as if she was trying to hold it all in.
“Don’t you fucking dare do that. Let it out. Don’t try to fight this. You’ve told me over and over again all you wanted was someone to treat your mind like it was your pussy, or your tits, or your mouth. Well here it is. It’s happening. My words are rubbing the clit between your ears. Accept it. Feel it. Let go. I’m so fucking deep inside of you I can see everything, all the hurt, all the love. I can see all the things you hide from me. I can see the things you hide from yourself. This is what you’ve been waiting for your whole fucking life. It’s time to free yourself. No more hiding. I know this isn’t what you thought it would be. I know this is way more intense than you could have imagined. But think for just a moment, what if. What if you got out of your own way for once in your fucking life, and lived in a moment. This moment. Right here. Right now. Just me and you. Everyone else on this fucking planet vanishing into nothing. Hear my words inside of you. Feel them on your lips, in your neck, in your breasts, in your stomach, and on your clit. That’s it. Grind against the invisible man on top of you. Fuck him. Let me have complete control over that beautiful sexy mind of yours. I want it. All for myself. It belongs to me now. Tomorrow when you are on your way to work, when you are cooking dinner, when you are trying to fall asleep, my words will still be inside of you, pinging of the walls of your skull. From this point on your thoughts are my thoughts. Let go.”
My hand cradled Jessica’s face as she let out a long building moan, evacuating all the air in her lungs. “That’s it. Give it to me. Give me what I want.” She gasped and her ass slowly rose off the bed. “Cum for me. I want to feel you fucking cum to my words rubbing your clit, to my words so deep inside your pussy you can feel them tickling your brain.” For a moment everything was frozen. Jessica stood on the verge of cumming. Neither she nor I had touched her pussy but that didn’t stop her from squirting across my bed. Streams of her juices shot out and she began to cry and cum and moan and scream. “Don’t you fucking stop. Feel it. Feel me inside of you. Your mine now. I fucking own you. Your mind belongs to me. From this day forward every time you cum, whether I’m with you or not, my voice will be inside that head of yours. How does it feel? Embrace it. Don’t. Stop. Cumming…” and then I just whispered, “Let go.”
Her body squirmed like she was possessed. It was like her orgasm didn’t originate in her pussy. It was like it originated in the space around her. She felt it in her hair, her fingernails, in the birthmark on her neck. If she had been alone and someone walked in to see this, it might have looked like a seizure or a stroke. It might have looked like someone had covered her body in fire ants and she was dying a death of a billion stings. “Don’t worry,” I whispered. “I’m here. I’m still here. You are safe and you are mine. Nothing else matters.”
Once the orgasm left her, she broke my rules and touched me. She rolled over and buried her face into my chest, tears falling from her eyes. It was OK. Even though I didn’t verbally give her permission to, we were both way past that point now, communicating on a higher level. “Shh, it’s OK. Let it out. I’m here for you now. You’re mine. No matter what happens from this day forward I’ll always be here for you. I won’t let go.”